I felt like I was falling over sideways and was going to pass out - visual disturbances and all that. I really thought I would collapse this time. Then my legs felt like lead and I thought they weren't going to hold me let alone carry me! It tried to take a deep breath while simultaneously telling myself it was just panic and I'd be ok. I wasn't convinced....I had to get out immediately. Thank goddness the sale was completed and I could go before I made a bumbling fool of myself or worse! But just getting outside didn't help...I had to walk to the car and then think about driving it. I felt so totally out of control. Would my legs carry me to the car...was I going to collapse here in the carpark?
It's ok, it's ok it's ok, it's ok - became my mantra. And then I drove as if I had a death wish - argggghhhhh. Got home - feeling miserable - defeated. Why won't this leave me? I'm so NOT convinced that there isn't anything terminally 'wrong' with me.
Sigh - I know that this is all to do with my thoughts and misinterpretation of symptoms that are not dangerous or important. But it's just so hard to stop it. My thoughts have become obsessions-compulsions.
Arrgggghhhhh this is torture, torment, anguish, agonising misery.
I'm in so much mental and physical pain. I really thought time was up today - somehow this attack felt much worse than others gone before.
I've got my group self-management (oxymoron I know self-help group) course tonight and my individual session with a psychologist tomorrow. Even my GP called and left message asking how I was getting on and for me to call and touch base tomorrow morning. Help is on its way...........that is if it is help for the correct thing that is.
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