Forgive me....I was wrong .......and online descriptions of panic attacks

OK...so I was wrong. DH wasn't ignoring me.....because I am so self-centred at the moment and can't think of anything other than my own symptoms.....I forgot that DH had his work Christmas lunch today and that is why his phone was off and why he wasn't answering emails :( :(  How terrible is that?! Just because my life seems unreal doesn't mean that others aren't getting on with their lives :( :(  I am so thoughtless.

Why can't I get my shit together???!!! I'm a scientist - I understand the physiology of panic yet I cannot seem to rationalise it for myself. telling myself that my body is responding as it should to my thought processes doesn't help - the symptoms of panic are so damn frightening, upsetting, uncomfortable and debilitating.

I just found these interesting descriptions of panic:

 

"The worst, most uncomfortable thing that could ever happen to someone. (Death comes a close second)" - Urban Dictionary.

 

"The absolute worst possible feeling a person can ever experience. Period. Basically having a panic attack feels like impending doom even though absolutely nothing can be going wrong in the outside world" - Urban Dictionary. 

"It  just majorly sucks balls to go through a (real) panic attack - NO ONE deserves to feel this shitty" -Urban Dictionary.

 

"If I met the man who murdered my grandmother, and had the option of making him experience panic attacks as punishment, I don't think I would. Crushing his nuts with 2 bricks would be a less severe punishment" - Urban Dictionary.

 

"Experiencing a panic attack has been said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person's life and may take days to initially recover from" - Wikipedia

 

I'm really not having a good day. The inside of my mouth feels irritated - bit of heartburn too. So very very tired as well. Maybe I've got the point where I have - really - just exhausted myself.

 

I wish I knew if this will end if and if so, when this will end.

 

Depleted.