Just when I though no-one could or would help I get a call from my supervisor at work telling me that they've arranged C.B.T for me through the Employee Assistance Program (even though I am a PhD student and not an employee). How wonderful is that?! They appreciate my work so much and see me as part of the fixtures and fittings and want to help me. I have sessions starting next week.
Then later in the day I get a phone call from one of the psychologists at ProCare (the public health psych service) - my GP has got me on the urgent list - despite that the waiting list is long and I won't get to see anyone prior to Christmas - but they've managed to put me on a six-week self management course aimed at helping people with chronic conditions like depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, pain etc. It's all a start on the road to getting better .....yay.
I also had a visit from my supervisors partner who has travelled a similar road and only recently come to a better place. It was good to hear her story and the similarities. It was also refreshing to here that this will never go away - will always be a part of me but it manageable...it needed be a bad thing. It was refreshing in that most people tell you it doesn't last forever, it ends.....but that's not quite true!! I feel that one always I has the propensity to fall if one has had an episode already.
Despite all this or because of perhaps - I'm utterly exhausted. I want to have a lie down but I have to pick up my son from school soon and it would be terrible if I slept through. I also feel a bit faint and unsteady and panicky....damn it....despite this budding sense of hope. My cheeks feel strange but I'm thinking it might actually be from unknowingly clenching my jaw. My whole face and head needs a massage. My head feels foggy and heavy.....is this really all depression and anxiety?
It's very warm and humid today - perhaps that's the problem.
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