Skip forward in time to today.
Today is not such a good day. I had a diagnostic laparoscopy 5 weeks ago and I'm still uncomfortable. Is this to be expected? My abdomen feels tight and I have vague pains near by umbilical incision. In fact I can squeeze pus out of the incision and can see a stitch poking out! Presumably it takes a while for absorbable sutures to dissolve???!!! I read somewhere up the three months. Is that correct? I have an appointment with my new GP today to review what I'm planning to do about my depression/anxiety/agoraphobia. I'll ask then - if I'm granted enough time! I also feel like someone is trying to pull out my uterus and have pain over might right ovary area. This is where adhesions were found and divided. It is also the site of the removal of an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit in 1989. This old surgery is probably the cause of the formation of the adhesions. The adhesions are causing my right ovary to stick to my right fallopian tubes that is in turn adhered to my uterus - the surgeons couldn't do anything about that but they did divide the adhesions from my right ovary to bowel to right abdominal wall. I thought all the cyclical pain would end after the surgery - it hasn't....but perhaps things are still inflamed in there! Time will tell.
In the meantime I'm freaking that i have peritonitis or something and I'm about to die. My doctor's appointment is two hours away and I just can't wait that long - then there's the wait in the waiting room - torture (panic attack inducing).
It is our son's last day at preschool today - perhaps I am anxious and tied up in knots about that? I just know I am going to be so emotional - the staff have been absolutely amazing and the place is more like extended family. We can't thank them enough and are so sad that ***** has to leave to go on to primary school :( But the time has come and we are all excited for ***** starting big boy's school :)
Perhaps it is the expectation to perform - to turn up at the preschool where I have felt giddy and panicky before. I also need to pop into work for a few hours today - also the expectation to perform - I have to help out a colleague.
I just can't do it - don't want to do it - I don't want to HAVE to do anything - I'm too tired....so tired....so exhausted - surely I'm at the limits of human endurance....
Later: Well doctor was running late - guess what....had a panic attack in the waiting room. Thought my vision was fading out. I was so agitated...surely someone must've noticed my fidgeting! I searched 'Having a panic attack in the doctor's waiting room' and found an interesting blog to occupy me until Dr ******** came out of her office. It all went well...things are progressing - psychiatrist being called to arrange prescription for new drug (Avanza), password for online CBT - 'Beating the Blues' in progress. Abdomen was palpated, seems fine. Discussed the pulling sensations, pain etc and found out that most people are only 80% healed by 6 months, that's right 6 months after abdominal surgery and that includes laparoscopy. I mentioned that I had heard two weeks - but was told 'on the outside maybe'. I have permission to pull at and cut off the suture poking out of my belly button if I wish....it won't dissolve if not exposed to my bodily fluids! And sutures CAN take up to three months to dissolve!! All very reassuring.
Later again: Psychiatrist won't prescribe Avanza - wants me to try adding nortriptyline to fluoxetine. No way.....I've read that there are major interactions between the two. Apparently that's a psychiatrist's prerogative! I'll sleep on it......or maybe I'll come right with the status quo and increased exercise and CBT.
No comments:
Post a Comment