Root canal complete

Had the remainder of the root canal done this morning - feeling a bit sick headachy and having intermittent pain in my right ear. Must be from holding my jaw open for almost an hour. Well....I'm glad its all done now. Pray that it doesn't give me any more grief!

Ordered a splint for my carpal tunnel and forearm pain and numbness. Yes been waking up at night with numbing pain in part of my right hand - thumb, index finger and middle finger - feel fat and tingly and numb and painful...I just thought I was sleeping on my hand and cutting off the circulation!! Not so....classic patterning of carpal tunnel syndrome. Then the burning in the median nerve started...odd sensation.

I must be getting old - my musculoskeletal system seems to be packing it in - I really must start taking care of myself!

and carpal tunnel and tennis elbow to add to the mix!

Silent Reflux (or Laryngopharangeal Reflux) and Thoracic Joint Dysfunction

Visited my GP....I was supposed to have a follow up appointment in January and return the book about controlling worry that she lent me! I've done well not to visit a GP for a couple of months!!

I've been having chest pains and I wanted to make sure (i.e. I needed reassurance) that my heart was/is coping with all the stress and upset I've been subjecting it to and that the chest pains were/are in fact musculoskeletal.

My new GP is very thorough and trust worthy :) She said my pains don't sound like heart pain and investigated the movement of my thoracic spine (that incidentally has been giving me grief for years and have had x-rays etc but last GP couldn't find anything wrong and said it was probably psychosomatic not that - that made it any less real!). Turns out the explanation is thoracic joint dysfunction and pains are being referred to my ribs, chest and arms.......I'm to try to hang upside down from time to time, you know - like Deuce Bigalow does just before he smashes the fish tank?! (Kids playground?!) and get back into swimming.

As for the bad taste in my mouth, retching, gagging and nausea - silent reflux (LPR) and am to try Gaviscon three times a day and at night for a couple of weeks and if that doesn't work - Losec.

So far I still have the awful in taste in my mouth, very dry mouth and nausea, upset bowels etc etc.

Sigh....I'm so tired

The 'meaning' or symbolism behind my symptoms

Today in C.B.T we talked about patterns that keep reoccurring in my life and about my symptoms and what they might be trying to tell me:

Feeling like might become paralysed - paralysed to move forward or have my legs move me forward in the direction I want to go. Feeling stuck.

Nausea, retching, vomiting - physically being sick so that it is OK not to have to go anywhere. Wanting to be pregnant (pseudo morning sickness).

Feelings of choking, lump in throat - feeling that I'm not able to speak up for myself or say what I really want to say.

Dizziness, giddiness, feeling like body shutting down - wanting to shut everything out, wanting to shut down....have a break.

Backache - spineless

Bilious - not having the gall, feeling liverish, bilious - things are too lurid, greenish, sickly to deal with. Exasperated.

Sour or bitter taste in mouth - something is leaving a bad taste in my mouth - something is bad. Distasteful experience. Something has left a bad impression.

Pain in the neck - pretty obvious

So....I got upset about not feeling like I was going in the direction I want to be and about having another baby. I'm left with some thinking to do - do I want to continue with my PhD? Do we/I want another baby?

There have been some improvements - I can can drive the car without DH being with me and I am able to queue up for coffee. I sat through the first part of my root canal too!!

I feel a sense of relief when my psychologist and I talked about giving up the PhD and her giving me permission to if I want to..........maybe that is the answer.......

Root Canal

Yesterday I ended up visiting an after hours emergency dentist (public holiday - Waitangi Day)....the day before I bit down on a soft apricot and brandy ball and found that I had bits of tooth in my mouth. I did think it might have been desiccated coconut at first but the pieces were way too hard for that even though about the same size! I flossed and managed to get more tooth out - tooth with brown stains on the end.

That tooth (my second premolar) has been sore since before Christmas.....I was putting off going to the dentist cos its so damn expensive here (not subsidised).

X-rays showed a big black patch filling the centre of my tooth....its rotten and infected and I required a root canal ($NZD 700.00-1000.00) in order to save the tooth - or pull the tooth out (starting at $NZD 170.00).

There was no way I could pay (other than for the $55.00 consult) but they told me I might be able to get StudyLink to pay for the root canal. So I'm hanging on the phone line (over half an hour now) to find out if I'm entitled - but probably not because I am married.

Oops no....I've been cut off due to high call volumes so they're unable to take my call at this time.
Grrrrrrrr. I should bill them for the time I had to wait!!
Antibiotics (Flagyl) are on the menu now - upset stomach and more health related things to freak me out.

Still having bad anxiety and severe panic attacks. I have a review appointment with my psychiatrist this afternoon - the fluoxetine doesn't seem to be working anymore :(   That means we'll be looking at tapering down and changing to either a different SSRI or a TCA or something else. Maybe I'll get to try AVANZA?

Oh joy.......more trial and error - I'm just a guinea pig really aren't I?!!!

Still with the numbness, dizziness, unsteadiness....

Will keep anyone who is reading....posted!

Cuttings

Ventured back to work yesterday. It was terrible it was hard......this all feels like a bad dream...when will I wake up?

It was so overwhelming - people had bought flowers for my office, chocolates, affirmations and I felt so bad because I only lasted three and half hours. Some say I should hang on to the positive.....at least I went there!!

I couldn't sleep last night. Well I could...I was falling asleep on the couch and went to bed at 8.30. Woke at the predictable 1am. Tried progressive muscle relaxation, breathing.....my muscles are so tense it is as if they stuck in contraction! Took 1/4 a clonazepam and dozed for two hours....awake again.....dozed some more.......woke, tried muscle relaxation...dozed.....6 am

I felt so bad by 6 am all I could do was cry and cry and then I got so angry at myself for being this pathetic....I got the nail scissors out and cut and scratched at my forearm. It was bleeding and it is still weepy....so sore. But the initial relief to feel a real physical pain and have it distract me was great for a time. Now I am ashamed and embarrassed.....covered it with gauze and a bandage.....will have to tell people I scraped myself gardening or something :(

So incredibly, unbelievably, exhausted, tired, fatigued....at end of my endurance.

Dizzy Giddy

Really bad dizziness combined with numbness/tingling of left shin and left hand. Why can I not accept this as anxiety/panic/depression.....chronic muscle tension......and not something like M.S. or a stroke....something neurological?