Can't keep my eyes open

Having one of those extremely fatigued, can't keep my eyes open, hurt all over, dizzy, uncoordinated days :(  Definitely seems to be cyclical. Sigh. When I get like this I get scared that my heart is somehow damaged and that is why I'm having this severe bone crushing fatigue. It doesn't help that there has been two incidents of sudden cardiac arrest in previously healthy persons this week here in NZ! A young mother dying at 34 and a sports person (also 34) 'lucky' to be alive despite having to have been put in an induced coma. It's like all those young soccer players and that Norwegian swimmer of late :(

Of course what makes me think that I'm so special that it will happen to me! I'm not athletic and it seems all these people died because of sudden cardiac arrest (SCA) due to an electrical problem with the heart like ventricular fibrillation as a result of extreme exertion???

Sigh.

 

 

Oh I can't deal with this - maybe I need to stop reading the news. I just want to cry. And I'm scared about it happening to my brother because he fainted and seizured for the first time ever a few weeks ago - for no reason that could be detected.

 

 

Oh God.......

I just can't do this anymore

WTF am I doing?

I sit here flicking between my email inbox, Facebook, various online shopping sites, news sites...and back and forwards and back and forwards. Checking my symptoms over and over again to make sure they are consistent with depression and panic disorder. It is like a compulsion - as long as I sit by the computer and do this I'll be OK!!!

Today I feel dizzy, giddy, unsteady, weak, shaky, unstable....stumbling bumbling sure I'm going to pass out and die......flushed, hot.

Stop - check my inbox - nothing - check Facebook - nothing new. Look outside - light to bright. Hang out washing - stumble, bumble...unsteady - hold on, hold on it'll be OK. No it won't what if its not OK. OMG I'm going to die - my son won't be picked up from school or he'll come home to find me dead.

Check inbox

Feeling flushed

Check Facebook

Check inbox - no reply from husband yet about today's symptoms and fears

Ohhhhhh Goddddddddd please HELP ME.

I'm still bleeding although it easing off a little - had to call the hospital yesterday for reassurance - yes apparently it can happen......I feel as if the D and C was oversold to us - I thought it would save all this blood, clots and mess :(

Inbox....still nothing       Bank account - not much       Stuff website - no change

Inbox - reply form husband:

No, it’s not. You’re depressed, and worrying about symptoms, and have lost confidence in your ability to do lots of things. Then, as a result, you’re not doing much in the way of physical exercise so when you do try to do something requiring exertion it becomes a struggle. You need to break out of that cycle. Please allow me to take you for a walk this weekend.

No, it’s not. You’re depressed, (sure am) and worrying about symptoms (guess so), and have lost confidence in your ability to do lots of things (sure have). Then, as a result, you’re not doing much in the way of physical exercise (too scared to move) so when you do try to do something requiring exertion it becomes a struggle (maybe). You need to break out of that cycle. Please allow me to take you for a walk this weekend (OK).