Update - haven't written for a while and that is probably a good sign?!

I haven't written for a while and that is probably a good sign?! I say that because it means that I have been busy - busy engaging with people and getting back out into life again - a little.

I've been taking half a clonazepam/klonopin (0.25 mg) a day for quite some time now. I managed to cut out the bed time one. This has changed my thinking somewhat so that I am not in a constant state of panic about my symptoms despite they're still being there. I'm still extremely tired and in pain (back, joints etc).

I've been able to go to a theme park for a friend's sons birthday, been able to go to school functions...even been able to take my son to school and pick him up (by myself). Attend my psychology/counselling and psychiatrist appointments. Been to friends houses across town just for social gatherings.

And I've been able to go to shops to buy needed materials/ingredients for crafts I have been making and cakes that I have been decorating (see previous entry about baking and therapy). And made the cake below for my son's 6th birthday. I guess everyone knows his name now :P

 

 

And yes I've given myself pats on the back for all my achievements - but I am still so damn tired, fatigued, exhausted, hurt and getting frequent headaches. I have hope now that this won't last forever.....but oh how I wish I could kick this bone crushing fatigue.

 

This isn't the way I had dreamt my life would be. I need to think about how I can change that. I need to follow 'signs'. I suspect I will not be picking up my PhD where I left it and I will be following my cake decorating passion. Perhaps I will start a small business from home - one where I can control how many cakes I do....because being such a perfectionist....some of the cakes I've made recently have nearly killed me!!!

 

I can't keep my head up.....I think I will go and have a sleep today.