Had a visit with my GP yesterday. My hCG levels aren't increasing. My doctor said she is really sorry but these results are not looking good. I'm supposed to have another blood test today (what's the point?) and a confirmatory scan tomorrow at midday (more likely to show something either way). Then we'll decide what to do - wait and let Mother Nature take her course, take an aborticant pill or have a D&C.
I feel absolutely terrible all over. So many confusing emotions. Tonnes of 'what ifs' - what if they are wrong? What if I didn't use that thrush cream? What if the dead tissue causes a serious infection? I feel so lonely, so alone.
Scan tomorrow at midday - but my husband says - 'Thursday is my busiest day - there's no way I'll be able to be there'. Great - fuck you......I'll continue to deal with this all on my own shall I? Of course you can't be there - work is far more important than your family!! FUCK YOU.
Then he has a change of mind - I can be there if you pick me up and drop me back - I'll just use my lunch hour. Gee thanks.
I want to shut my eyes and wake up when this is all over.
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