Can't keep my eyes open

Having one of those extremely fatigued, can't keep my eyes open, hurt all over, dizzy, uncoordinated days :(  Definitely seems to be cyclical. Sigh. When I get like this I get scared that my heart is somehow damaged and that is why I'm having this severe bone crushing fatigue. It doesn't help that there has been two incidents of sudden cardiac arrest in previously healthy persons this week here in NZ! A young mother dying at 34 and a sports person (also 34) 'lucky' to be alive despite having to have been put in an induced coma. It's like all those young soccer players and that Norwegian swimmer of late :(

Of course what makes me think that I'm so special that it will happen to me! I'm not athletic and it seems all these people died because of sudden cardiac arrest (SCA) due to an electrical problem with the heart like ventricular fibrillation as a result of extreme exertion???

Sigh.

 

 

Oh I can't deal with this - maybe I need to stop reading the news. I just want to cry. And I'm scared about it happening to my brother because he fainted and seizured for the first time ever a few weeks ago - for no reason that could be detected.

 

 

Oh God.......

Now I'm thinking - Heart Damage?! Or Fibromyalgia

Arrghhhhhh - now I'm having a tight chest, weakness, fatigue - all the rest of it. So I'm immediately thinking - womens' heart attack symptoms and/or my heart has been weakened and is damaged because of all the anxiety and panic. I can't win - these thought/obsessions with my body and its functioning.

But the pain in all my joints and my back has increased today - so perhaps the chest symptoms are relative to that - thoracic tension??! Sigh...I don't know. Every time I get up to something I feel exhausted and weak. I've been cleaning the house and fixing my lunch in fits and starts. Then I have to stop and rest for five minutes.

The pain - pain in the upper centre of my back, right hip - aching elbows, wrists, knees, ankles - biceps, triceps, quads, trapezius. Wow - that about corresponds to the trigger/tender points of fibromyalgia:

Or is fibromyalgia just another manifestation of depression?
Awww I need deep tissue massage and chiropractic - someone to 'crack' my back.

Some days I just can't bear this anymore - yet I go on.....

Recalcitrant upper-mid back pain - argghhhhhh

My fuckin' mid-upper back is unbearable today. I can't escape it....tried cracking it on the floor....stretching, hanging from the door frames (not upside down), pain killers - you name it. I've been seen to writhe around on the floor trying to free up 'the spot'. I've screamed into a pillow. I've been for a walk. I'm popping it in and out. This has been going on for more than 10 years. Most days I can just cope with it; then every so often I think 'enough' there must be something that can be done.

I'm writhing around in my chair now. Twisting as far as I can to my left...then my right. No cracking noises today - got it to crack yesterday. Arggghhhh maybe it is worse or less tolerable premenstrually??!!!

I've been to physios, chiros, osteos, masseuses, acupuncturists, swimming, yoga, had deep heat rubbed in, used hot water bottles. The only relief has been obtained from chiropractors (average of three days relief), acupuncturists (a week of relief), massage (few days) and swimming (pretty good if I keep it up). Hmmm.....had better start up the swimming again! Time to trim down or get anew pair of togs (and a bikini line wax).

Out of Action

Another bad day today - I can't get myself to move, I'm panicky and there is a sense of foreboding - like something is wrong or something bad is about to happen. Probably just premenstrual....but whatever it is it is so damn unpleasant :( I'm so tired.

And everything hurts....it feels like the depression has seeped into my bones....into my bone marrow even. Not bone marrow depression but...well you know what I mean?!

Oh...I can even be bothered writing.....I'm out of action....see you tomorrow?