Retained products of conception?

Now the bleeding, cramping and pain in my right lower back have all increased - I passed a clot the size of a NZ fifty cent piece- the old one!

Of course all this has freaked me out so I went of to the after hours doctors - my GP not in until Thursday. After taking a detailed history the nurse felt that I might have retained products of conception - left behind from the D and C and I'd probably be referred to the hospital (only she added that that was a decision the doctor would have to make).

The doctor read my notes, came in to see me - we went over it all again and she felt that I could have retained products of conception or it could be my first period after the D and C. She called my GP's office and managed to get my hCG blood test results from the nurse. My hCG is down from 75000 to 20 and therefore borderline positive.

The upshot of all this is that i might have my first period and it is abnormal and more painful than a 'normal' one or I could have retained products of conception (RPOC). I'm to wait a few days and book an ultrasound if the bleeding etc doesn't taper off. Turns out I've left it too long after the D and C to qualify for a free ultrasound and it will cost me over $200.00 to check to see if the hospital didn't do their job properly!!!! I'll be asking for a refund if that is the case.....

Meanwhile we wait and I'm reminded of the miscarriage........and I wonder what will come my way next!

I just can't do this anymore

WTF am I doing?

I sit here flicking between my email inbox, Facebook, various online shopping sites, news sites...and back and forwards and back and forwards. Checking my symptoms over and over again to make sure they are consistent with depression and panic disorder. It is like a compulsion - as long as I sit by the computer and do this I'll be OK!!!

Today I feel dizzy, giddy, unsteady, weak, shaky, unstable....stumbling bumbling sure I'm going to pass out and die......flushed, hot.

Stop - check my inbox - nothing - check Facebook - nothing new. Look outside - light to bright. Hang out washing - stumble, bumble...unsteady - hold on, hold on it'll be OK. No it won't what if its not OK. OMG I'm going to die - my son won't be picked up from school or he'll come home to find me dead.

Check inbox

Feeling flushed

Check Facebook

Check inbox - no reply from husband yet about today's symptoms and fears

Ohhhhhh Goddddddddd please HELP ME.

I'm still bleeding although it easing off a little - had to call the hospital yesterday for reassurance - yes apparently it can happen......I feel as if the D and C was oversold to us - I thought it would save all this blood, clots and mess :(

Inbox....still nothing       Bank account - not much       Stuff website - no change

Inbox - reply form husband:

No, it’s not. You’re depressed, and worrying about symptoms, and have lost confidence in your ability to do lots of things. Then, as a result, you’re not doing much in the way of physical exercise so when you do try to do something requiring exertion it becomes a struggle. You need to break out of that cycle. Please allow me to take you for a walk this weekend.

No, it’s not. You’re depressed, (sure am) and worrying about symptoms (guess so), and have lost confidence in your ability to do lots of things (sure have). Then, as a result, you’re not doing much in the way of physical exercise (too scared to move) so when you do try to do something requiring exertion it becomes a struggle (maybe). You need to break out of that cycle. Please allow me to take you for a walk this weekend (OK).

Retained products of conception?

Oh God...I thought a D and C was supposed to clean you out. I'm bleeding more now than the first few days afterwards - and clots. I just went to the bathroom and a gush of blood and clots came out. I was given a number to call at the hospital if I was at all concerned. After speaking with what sounded like a 12 year old nurse I feel even more concerned. In fact I'm shit scared.

I might as well have opted for waiting for Mother Nature the amount of stuff that seems to be coming out. There was less than this after giving birth! Period like pains too. Apparently I might have retained products of conception and my uterus might be trying to expel everything itself. However...I could start to haemorrhage or I might need another bloody D and C to rectify things.......OMG I sincerely hope not. I thought that was the point of the D and C - to get rid of everything. :(

Feeling very upset, scared and angry today. Crying all the time - I think I have postnatal depression now too. It's all too much...I can't bear to even look outside - everything hurts my eyes....too bright. This morning I wanted to die.....I just feel that it would be easier for everyone - no need to pay back the scholarship funds I've been granted already. It is my gorgeous son who keeps me going......oh please, please make this all stop so that I can enjoy him.......PLEASE...PLEASE